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LIZANOVA GAZETTE
LIZANOVA GAZETTE
11 July 2009
Volume 1 Issue 6
MORE THAN TONGUE IN CHEEK SAYS GABBIE GRANT
WASHINGTON DC (LG)--- Gabbie Grant Editor-in-Chief of this popular gazette and saintly PRO-LIFE advocate wanted clarification from the only President elected without a birth certificate, Alleged President Barak Hussein Obama comment, “PRO-LIFE, who says I’m not PRO-LIFE? I’m PRO-LIFE.”
White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs says, “His Excellency President Obama wants to talk to Gabbie Grant but his teleprompter is unavailable due to routine maintenance and this dialogue is so important to him that he doesn’t want his tongue to be caught in his cheek speaking off the top of his head. Thank you Miss Gabbie Grant for your patience and service to the publishing world.”
Gabbie muses, “My women’s intuition is tingling. Hearing Bob’s words reminds me of the time my last Muslim boyfriend swore to me with his hand on the Bible that he was not with anther woman and I saw him in the bathroom dressed in hot-pink panties and a Miss Durango’s t-shirt.”
Ashlie Moorehouse is Anchor Woman for Lizanova Gazette reporting from Washington DC.
ALLAH PROTECTS NO CHINA SYNDROME SAYS MULLAH
TEHRAN (LG) --- Islamic Republic of Iran gears up for its high technology nuclear power plant construction. Iranian alleged President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the first Iranian President elected without a birth certificate joyously reminded foreign journalists, which would be just me and Mike Rock disguised as a Muslim terrorist who accompanied me, as everyone else was thrown out of the country, that “El Presidente Obama” gave the okay for them Muslims to have nukes. Peaceful nuclear power nukes which in no way could ever be turned into nuclear warheads and used against Israel and the US, ever, promise, place my hand on the Bible says Mahmoud.
Obama says, “U can trust me when I say that U can trust my fellow Islamic brothers from blowin’ dem Jews off the face of the planet earth.” Hussein gave further reassurance to those, and I quote, “Jew lovin’ bastards” to understand that violence is against the laws of Islam, the true religion known world wide as peaceful and with no strife and no hate for anyone especially dem Jews, concludes Obama.
There was celebrating in the streets, screaming crowds and ‘militia’ shooting AK-47 assault rifles in the air or windows or at a few people. The ceremonial Ground breaking showed Mahmoud digging a hole in the ground whereupon some gun totin’ drunken Iranian party boy pulled his pants down and shit in the hole. Wanting not to be insulted Mahmoud pulled his pants down and shit in the hole. Attending Mullahs and dignitaries also shit and pissed in the hole. Everyone smiled with relief.
Ground breaking for the new high tech nuclear power plant which is able to economically satisfy power for one-half of the country and its future growth will be built by a Swedish company and financed by the recently passed US TARP BILL which one of the Mullahs read in its entirety.
When Mullah Ak-sneeze-jehad was asked about the China Syndrome Phenomenon discovered by Jane Fonda in her 1979 documentary, “China Syndrome” about a US nuclear power plant blowing a hole into the center of the earth and causing mucho ‘carbon foot-print’ the Muslim boy responded, “Jane Fonda has a nice tight ass but she does not know the saving power of Allah who protects us always. Besides only Americans are stupid enough to believe that Hollywood tripe.”
Mike Rock was quick to point out to me that all the Big Daddie Mullahs were shooting the US Army’s new M4 Carbine with collapsible stock and EO-Tech hologram gun-sights. He also reminded me that only the US has a ‘militia’ protected by the 2nd Amendment of the US Constitution, other countries have ‘Secret Police.’
In a companion Washington DC story the Sierra Club is meeting with Alleged President Barah Hussein Obama to praise the new offering of the 2012 OGM Cadillac ‘Panda Mark V’ and the idea that if a toy pin-wheel was made really, really big that it could produce earth friendly wind energy for quite a few earth friendly homes.
Natalie Donovan Reporter Lizanova Gazette and my colleague (I am a virgin. I did not sleep with him.) Mike Rock disguised as a Muslim terrorist reporting from Tehran.
HotFurWerdz
RING RING RING
Cum me stoo-dents. Klass begins.
Today’s Werdz is ‘Fetus.’
Fetus is an ancient word of Christian origin going back to Christ’s time. It literally means ‘God’s created children.’ Only since the pot-smokin’, acid pushin’ immoral times of the ‘flower children’ of the late 1960’s has ‘fetus’ been changed by some Satan Worshipers to mean ‘tissue blob’ and not worthy of our Constitutional right to life.
Ask Sarge
I gotta tell you boyz. If U want to see one of the most impressive gun collections U must go to Ashley Judd’s house.
She has that US Navy Seal Special Operations handgun the Heckler & Koch Mark 23 model 1 US SOCOM .45 ACP Calibre Pistol with laser guided special munitions and illumination device and high capacity magazine. She even has the gun silencer that screw on at the end of the pistol barrel. Wow, I’d love to take that package back to Afghanistan hidden in my duffel bag on my next tour. Oh, and the gun too!
Ashley did have a slight problem carrying the weapon concealed. The handgun is large and heavy. Ashley’s feminine sexy waist (trust me here) cannot properly carry the handgun & holster. The pistol & holster keeps slipping between her long sexy legs making her look like she is a beautiful mega-huge Transvestite. But hell, she lives in Kali so this shouldn’t be a problem.
Ralphie the Alterboy
Hi I finished my homework Auntie Ashley. Jesus loves U.
Letters to the Editor
Mikie,
How are U boy? Don’t U remember me? Vegas ’84? U joined the Army in Vegas to beat that gun-trafficking rap in El Paso. Yes the 80’s disco, blow, ludes and U were being shipped off to boot’ Camp Polk Louisiana the next day? Damn, U sure new how to carry your liquor and those Vegas strippers and w’hoez too.
U seem really close to Natalie Donovan. Can U ask her to get a picture of Oralee Higgins’s momma? Do U remember the name of that professional dancer that I was with? E-mail me. Thanx. Good to see U went somewhere.
2TommyGuns
Perspective
The Evil of Slavery was abolished by the Civil War. I wonder what will it take to end The Evil of Abortion?
CLASSIFIEDS
ADVENTURE<<<
How Strong are you Soldier?
ARMY STRONG Drill Sergeant ARMY STRONG
Grrrr!
Join today’s new and improved US Army.
Hi! I’m Sergeant Elizabeth Ashley Cummings US Army’s elite Pink Beret. We like to say, “Girl Power –boyz!” If you’re a woman between the ages of 18 years and 48 years pre-menopausal then the US Army wants U. We help victims of hurricane, tornado, flood, U name the natural disaster and U will see our Pink Berets shoved between our breasts ready to save the planet. Come join us and be a Citizen of the World. We proudly wear the uniform designed by Paul Kloe.
US Army Recruiting Command
Fort Lincoln North Dakota
EMPLOYMENT<<< Hi gerls, I’m new in town but I want to tell you about a wonderful financial opportunity that has changed my life. This secret treasure is available only for you Lizanova Gazette woman and for a limited time. Yes we can earn hundreds of dollars a day and you can do it from your own bed or living room rug or bathtub and all you need is a web cam.
Call Oralee Higgins
WANTED <<< Please take this lawn trash. I will pay you top dollars to pickup my OGM 2009 Cadillac Panda. Chewed by neighbor’s dog so you must collect the pieces. Can be carried by any Ford truck.
Call Michael
WANTED<<< Our nation is a budding nuclear super-power Allah the Great be Praised. Nuclear Power Plant Engineers and Nuclear Physicists we need your skills. We offer you the best employment packages in the world. Enjoy the sun living on your pent-house condos in exciting Tehran City and date and mingle with other Europeans. Call Omar the Businessman.
Copyright @ 2009
11 July 2009
Volume 1 Issue 6
MORE THAN TONGUE IN CHEEK SAYS GABBIE GRANT
WASHINGTON DC (LG)--- Gabbie Grant Editor-in-Chief of this popular gazette and saintly PRO-LIFE advocate wanted clarification from the only President elected without a birth certificate, Alleged President Barak Hussein Obama comment, “PRO-LIFE, who says I’m not PRO-LIFE? I’m PRO-LIFE.”
White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs says, “His Excellency President Obama wants to talk to Gabbie Grant but his teleprompter is unavailable due to routine maintenance and this dialogue is so important to him that he doesn’t want his tongue to be caught in his cheek speaking off the top of his head. Thank you Miss Gabbie Grant for your patience and service to the publishing world.”
Gabbie muses, “My women’s intuition is tingling. Hearing Bob’s words reminds me of the time my last Muslim boyfriend swore to me with his hand on the Bible that he was not with anther woman and I saw him in the bathroom dressed in hot-pink panties and a Miss Durango’s t-shirt.”
Ashlie Moorehouse is Anchor Woman for Lizanova Gazette reporting from Washington DC.
ALLAH PROTECTS NO CHINA SYNDROME SAYS MULLAH
TEHRAN (LG) --- Islamic Republic of Iran gears up for its high technology nuclear power plant construction. Iranian alleged President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the first Iranian President elected without a birth certificate joyously reminded foreign journalists, which would be just me and Mike Rock disguised as a Muslim terrorist who accompanied me, as everyone else was thrown out of the country, that “El Presidente Obama” gave the okay for them Muslims to have nukes. Peaceful nuclear power nukes which in no way could ever be turned into nuclear warheads and used against Israel and the US, ever, promise, place my hand on the Bible says Mahmoud.
Obama says, “U can trust me when I say that U can trust my fellow Islamic brothers from blowin’ dem Jews off the face of the planet earth.” Hussein gave further reassurance to those, and I quote, “Jew lovin’ bastards” to understand that violence is against the laws of Islam, the true religion known world wide as peaceful and with no strife and no hate for anyone especially dem Jews, concludes Obama.
There was celebrating in the streets, screaming crowds and ‘militia’ shooting AK-47 assault rifles in the air or windows or at a few people. The ceremonial Ground breaking showed Mahmoud digging a hole in the ground whereupon some gun totin’ drunken Iranian party boy pulled his pants down and shit in the hole. Wanting not to be insulted Mahmoud pulled his pants down and shit in the hole. Attending Mullahs and dignitaries also shit and pissed in the hole. Everyone smiled with relief.
Ground breaking for the new high tech nuclear power plant which is able to economically satisfy power for one-half of the country and its future growth will be built by a Swedish company and financed by the recently passed US TARP BILL which one of the Mullahs read in its entirety.
When Mullah Ak-sneeze-jehad was asked about the China Syndrome Phenomenon discovered by Jane Fonda in her 1979 documentary, “China Syndrome” about a US nuclear power plant blowing a hole into the center of the earth and causing mucho ‘carbon foot-print’ the Muslim boy responded, “Jane Fonda has a nice tight ass but she does not know the saving power of Allah who protects us always. Besides only Americans are stupid enough to believe that Hollywood tripe.”
Mike Rock was quick to point out to me that all the Big Daddie Mullahs were shooting the US Army’s new M4 Carbine with collapsible stock and EO-Tech hologram gun-sights. He also reminded me that only the US has a ‘militia’ protected by the 2nd Amendment of the US Constitution, other countries have ‘Secret Police.’
In a companion Washington DC story the Sierra Club is meeting with Alleged President Barah Hussein Obama to praise the new offering of the 2012 OGM Cadillac ‘Panda Mark V’ and the idea that if a toy pin-wheel was made really, really big that it could produce earth friendly wind energy for quite a few earth friendly homes.
Natalie Donovan Reporter Lizanova Gazette and my colleague (I am a virgin. I did not sleep with him.) Mike Rock disguised as a Muslim terrorist reporting from Tehran.
HotFurWerdz
RING RING RING
Cum me stoo-dents. Klass begins.
Today’s Werdz is ‘Fetus.’
Fetus is an ancient word of Christian origin going back to Christ’s time. It literally means ‘God’s created children.’ Only since the pot-smokin’, acid pushin’ immoral times of the ‘flower children’ of the late 1960’s has ‘fetus’ been changed by some Satan Worshipers to mean ‘tissue blob’ and not worthy of our Constitutional right to life.
Ask Sarge
I gotta tell you boyz. If U want to see one of the most impressive gun collections U must go to Ashley Judd’s house.
She has that US Navy Seal Special Operations handgun the Heckler & Koch Mark 23 model 1 US SOCOM .45 ACP Calibre Pistol with laser guided special munitions and illumination device and high capacity magazine. She even has the gun silencer that screw on at the end of the pistol barrel. Wow, I’d love to take that package back to Afghanistan hidden in my duffel bag on my next tour. Oh, and the gun too!
Ashley did have a slight problem carrying the weapon concealed. The handgun is large and heavy. Ashley’s feminine sexy waist (trust me here) cannot properly carry the handgun & holster. The pistol & holster keeps slipping between her long sexy legs making her look like she is a beautiful mega-huge Transvestite. But hell, she lives in Kali so this shouldn’t be a problem.
Ralphie the Alterboy
Hi I finished my homework Auntie Ashley. Jesus loves U.
Letters to the Editor
Mikie,
How are U boy? Don’t U remember me? Vegas ’84? U joined the Army in Vegas to beat that gun-trafficking rap in El Paso. Yes the 80’s disco, blow, ludes and U were being shipped off to boot’ Camp Polk Louisiana the next day? Damn, U sure new how to carry your liquor and those Vegas strippers and w’hoez too.
U seem really close to Natalie Donovan. Can U ask her to get a picture of Oralee Higgins’s momma? Do U remember the name of that professional dancer that I was with? E-mail me. Thanx. Good to see U went somewhere.
2TommyGuns
Perspective
The Evil of Slavery was abolished by the Civil War. I wonder what will it take to end The Evil of Abortion?
CLASSIFIEDS
ADVENTURE<<<
How Strong are you Soldier?
ARMY STRONG Drill Sergeant ARMY STRONG
Grrrr!
Join today’s new and improved US Army.
Hi! I’m Sergeant Elizabeth Ashley Cummings US Army’s elite Pink Beret. We like to say, “Girl Power –boyz!” If you’re a woman between the ages of 18 years and 48 years pre-menopausal then the US Army wants U. We help victims of hurricane, tornado, flood, U name the natural disaster and U will see our Pink Berets shoved between our breasts ready to save the planet. Come join us and be a Citizen of the World. We proudly wear the uniform designed by Paul Kloe.
US Army Recruiting Command
Fort Lincoln North Dakota
EMPLOYMENT<<< Hi gerls, I’m new in town but I want to tell you about a wonderful financial opportunity that has changed my life. This secret treasure is available only for you Lizanova Gazette woman and for a limited time. Yes we can earn hundreds of dollars a day and you can do it from your own bed or living room rug or bathtub and all you need is a web cam.
Call Oralee Higgins
WANTED <<< Please take this lawn trash. I will pay you top dollars to pickup my OGM 2009 Cadillac Panda. Chewed by neighbor’s dog so you must collect the pieces. Can be carried by any Ford truck.
Call Michael
WANTED<<< Our nation is a budding nuclear super-power Allah the Great be Praised. Nuclear Power Plant Engineers and Nuclear Physicists we need your skills. We offer you the best employment packages in the world. Enjoy the sun living on your pent-house condos in exciting Tehran City and date and mingle with other Europeans. Call Omar the Businessman.
Copyright @ 2009
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