WELCOME
Lizanova Gazette 11.07.2009
LIZANOVA GAZETTE
7 November 2009
Volume 1 Issue 23
PENSACOLA, FLORIDA (LG)--- It is a magical atmosphere here today at the Dale Horton Auditorium under clear blue sky and a warm sun kissing our faces located on the college of Pensacola Christian. President Barak Obama is speaking to a full house of an audience of 3,500 seats and another estimated three thousand Citizens watching specially constructed large video screens outside the auditorium sitting on the surrounding lawns and parking lots setup for the overflow of spectators.
We could not be more proud of our President as he confidently speaks before the conservative Christian crowd, “I am Barak Hussein Obama and I am Pro-Life. I am a faithful of the Holy Mother Church. I live my life and conduct my affairs as a true disciple of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am guided by the blessings of Almighty God as I pray the prayers of the Church in the Divine Office upon bended knee throughout the day, evening and night. O, and I go to the Sacrament of Confession once a week…
I just happen to be the President of the United States and a Citizen of the World, but I am first and foremost a Roman Catholic. I remember Christ’s words, ‘What good does it do me to gain all the wealth, power and prestige of the world and to loose my soul burning in the everlasting fires of hell…
I stand before you fellow Christian folks much humbled that our Bishop of Rome, our Papa, His Holiness Pope Benedict the XVI does bestow upon me a special Papal Blessing to guide me in my Presidential duties on this Memorial of the Blessed Virgin Mary… yes how humbled I am…” solemnly recounts Roman Catholic faithful Obama.
He quiets the applause and continues, “My Administration is committed to respecting the Sanctity of Life from conception to a natural death. Abortion is murder… Abortion is Genocide… Abortion must end now. The corrupt and morally bankrupt Supreme Court ruling Roe vs Wade be damned.
I am Barak Hussein Obama and I am the National Rifle Association. You can trust me when I tell you that I believe in the right of every American to own and to bear firearms and as a much studied student and graduate of the Harvard School of Law specializing in our Constitution, I recognize this well written document, the Second Amendment is clear and unambiguous that gun ownership shall not be infringed by any level of government, not by federal, nor state, nor county and especially municipality…” and the crowd cheers for Obama.
“Taxes are coercive,” Obama says, “and I shall fix that. Businesses are too much restrained from government meddling making their profits suffocated and I shall fix that. Home school is every parent’s God given right and I shall lead Congress into passing legislation that respects and reaffirms this right.
Yes, I could tell you that the last administration lied to me about our nation’s problems and that the Bush Administration’s eight year commitment to our God given unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness was an abysmal failure, but I am bigger than that…
You can trust me when I say, ‘… Yes we do ‘Hope for a safer future of peace and prosperity for our children and our brothers and sisters of the World. Yes we can ‘Change and build a better America. I am the most trustworthy President who can take us there…” the audience gives a standing ovation and the humble and modest Mr. President Obama just says, “Thank you, thank you very much… I am humbled…”
“I want to thank that publisher extraordinaire, my friend Gabbie Grant for sponsoring this event and her passion to lead her newsletter the Lizanova Gazette to save the Citizens of the Womb from the Abortionist’s bloody knife. Thank you Gabbie for being Pro-Life.” Obama acknowledges Gabbie sitting in the front row.
“You folks can also see me attending morning Mass and worthily receiving the Eucharist each day at one of the many Roman Catholic Churches in the great City of Washington DC and in the evening privacy of the White House I retreat to Lincoln’s bedroom to read the Catholic edition Holy Bible everyday, not the counterfeit King Jame’s book, but not until after I have prayed all twenty mysteries of the Holy Rosary and I have meditated upon Scripture.
That is why I always like to conclude my speeches with my favorite Bible verse for today,
‘Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. By their fruits you will know them. Do men gather grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles?
Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
Therefore, by their fruits you shall know them, the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 7 verses 15 to 20.’” Obama ends his speech and he encourages the crowd chant, “End Abortion-Genocide now… End…”
House of Representative Congressman Joe Wilson, Republican, South Carolina somehow could not be found for comment.
I am Natalie Donovan reporting for Lizanova Gazette from Pensacola, Florida, a little confused but I guess it could happen….?
GABBIE GRANT CAN MAKE U SCREAM & MOAN
SAINT PETERSBURG, FLORIDA (LG)--- This evening after a full morning of being honored by Prez Obama our gerl Gabbie Grant returned to the Saint Jude Cathedral where she was baptized to speak to the Knights of Columbus, an organization of Catholic men who are committed for the defense of life and the end of Genocide-Abortion.
“My dear brothers in Christ, I am well versed in this country’s conservative issues and it angers me that leading conservative publications like the ‘American Thinker’ and ‘The Heritage Foundation’ do not have Genocide-Abortion as American’s first and foremost problem to be addressed.” begins Gabbie.
Gabbie continues, “I challenge you to go to the American Thinker’s website and look past all of the featured articles from ‘The Vilification of Rush’ to ‘Swine Flu Panic in Perspective’ and search back to October 23 and you will see no discussion about Genocide-Abortion.”
“You go to the renowned conservative ‘think tank’ website, The Heritage Foundation and I see,” observes Gabbie “the following problem issues of American Leadership, Family & Religion, Education, First Principles, Energy & Environment, Health Care, Enterprise & Free Markets, Protect America, Entitlements and Rule of Law for their most important topics of public conversation. Genocide-Abortion is absent from any discussion from these conservative think forums.”
“Michael Steele is the Republican National Committee Chariman and he mailed me a survey asking me what issues that the Republican Party must address for the betterment of America. I read the questions about Immigration, taxes, health-care, bla-bla-blah and I did not see one reference to the number one atrocity in this world today, Genocide-Abortion and its suffocation of our freedom. Men of Honor, I speak to you men of the Knights of Columbus, you are the only voice speaking to the defense of the unborn.” speaks Gabbie. “If the world cannot look to America for freedom, if the terrorized Citizens around the world living in despotic nations cannot find example of liberty in the ‘land of the free and home of the brave’ then the world is all lost to tyranny.”
“Noble Knights of Columbus I ask you to scream and rage against this most hideous of atrocities against mankind, Genocide-Abortion. Men of Courage make the lovers of Lucifer and his ‘Culture of Death’ those Pro-Choice despots moan in fear of you. You are the only voice against Genocide-Abortion, other than Obama’s support of Pro-Life and you can trust your confidence that this American newsletter is committed to the end of Slavery of the Womb People.” concludes Gabbie’s speech to a standing ovation lasting several minutes which even Gabbie could not quite her audience.
This is Pro-Life advocate Ashlie Moorehouse reporting from Saint Petersburg for the Lisanova Gazette.
HotFurWerdz
O, my dear Stoo-dants I am soooo proud of you vorking at your highest ability to master Werdz and you have become such a disciplined k’lass.
You park your motorcycles in rows in the back of the k’lass instead of villy-nilly around the k’lassroom. You are very respectful to blow all your smoke emitted from your oddly shaped pipes and often times unidentified paper rolls, out the window and you show great respect to spit into the designated sputum-n-vomit rubber-maid red bucket during k’lass and not mix your oral body-fluids with the yellow and brown buckets in the closet.
My dear Stoo-dants don’t worry, ve vill continue working on your memory skills to find the little boys-room until you get it correct and O my, next veek I hand out soap and ve learn all about hand-vashing. Johnnie that is so kind of you, but you don’t have to remind me.
Today’s guest teacher is James. He vill teach you all about ‘K’ustom Term Papers.’ Hush…. Eyes up… Now boyz, you have all seen me vear this bra before… Yes, Johnnie you can use your crayons on grocery store brown-paper bags but I encourage you to try using a pencil and paper, I believe that you can do it.
Your assignment for next veek is to vrite a k’ustom term paper and I vill post the best paper upon my Lizanova Gazette featured article, ‘HotFurWerdz.’
K’lass dismissed, lov U all, boyz, save your money to purchase my boook
Ciao
Marinæ
Weapons the B’donzki Way
It is a sad fact of politics that the only freedom that we can keep are those freedoms that we must organize and fight to keep otherwise these liberties are gone and we become slaves to government.
Our readers at the Lizanova Gazette are constantly asking us what organizations we recommend they join and what are our favorite guns to own and shoot, so here it is for your entertainment.
Hi guys and gals, I’m Liza Nova. I am the National Rifle Association, the NRA.
Yo, the B’donzki and I am the Gun Owners of America, the GOA.
Kassem Ge in the house, I am the Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership, the JPFO.
Here’s what matters to me today, I’m Phillip DaFranco and I like to shoot this…
Hay-Hay-U-Kan-Ax-ijaye
Dear ijaye, Why do U like listening to the Rush Limbaugh Radio Show from noon to 3pm eastern time on the EIB station? Sincerely, Jake Archerr, lisanovalive member
Dear Jake,
I love Rush because he says what I am thinking. I grew up in a family that instilled into me American virtues and ideology that is conservative. Conservative ideas like those that where established by our Founding Fathers, you know, the right to own and bear firearms, right to life, freedom to pursue prosperity, and these are the very foundation of our nation’s freedom. I love America and I want America to succeed. America succeeds with Conservatism. Maybe I could have my own Conservative Twitter show?
Sincerely
ijaye
Fashion & Glamour with Australian Natalie
Hi, my first fashion advice to U is to wear cloths especially if you look gross. Of course if you’re an Australian Aborigine, depending upon your genitalia, then you walk around with your nut-sack draggin’ in the dirt or your breasts bouncing off your knees but that’s another fashion story.
If you’re a woman then U should wear make-up but not too much unless you’re a bleach blonde on U-tube, then you must really smear on the rouge and if you’re a dyke then U can go around plain faced but just be sure to shave your moustache.
Blessed by God Almighty, we Asians are born beautiful. We women have luxurious long silken black hair, a sensuous deep mahogany brown skin-tone, shapely and proportioned natural breasts, svelte feminine muscular thighs, buttocks and shoulders and need I not forget to mention our seductive eyes and sexy feminine voice. U can go to any internet gerlie webcam site and we have our own special page, ‘Asian Gerls.’
I could just as well walk around in a skimpy yellow polka-dot bikini for my U-tube subscribers, as long as my nipples remain covered and they’d be very happy but I have such an impressive Asian intellect I talk a lot and I wear cloths that cover my flesh. Did I mention that I like to talk?
See U next week,
Nellie
Kassem Gee discovers Wine
We all need a plan otherwise we’re jumping from lady web-cam to lady web-cam on the Oralee Higgins virtual bordello and we end up not knowing any gerl intimately. So, I’ll stick with the wine available in the local grocery store and starting with one country at a time. We begin with France.
This week’s mouth teaser is ‘Beaujolais-Villages’ a red burgundy wine with other French words on the label, it’s Greek to me. The color is red. The transparency to light is tested with my Surefire flashlight the A2 blue LED Aviator model with 113 lumens. I’d say it’s thick wine as it blocks out a lot of the light. The aroma is not fruit smelly but maybe a very faint alcoholic sensation. Ahh, now for the ultimate test, the ‘raison d’étre’’ the pleasure of my taste buds and those Zombiez prefer brains, what retards. Mmm… I wonder what wine would go best with brains?
The taste stings my mouth but in a teasingly wanting way like when your girlfriend bites you on your shoulder a the right moment. I imagine my mouth faintly dry. It’s a wine that I like sipping and letting the glass sit until I sip again. I wonder what food that it might enhance?
Mmm… I feel sleepy. The cork reads, “Louis Jadot, Fondee en 1859, Beaune-France, 8.37, Diam.” When I first tried to open the wine bottle I tried twisting the ‘cap’ with my hand, then with a jar opener, then I thought about pliers or maybe a hammer to get it open. Then I figured it out and I tore off the wine foil and used a cork-opener to get the cork out of the bottle. So goes our pilgrimage my friends.
The wine is about ten dollars and I see another label, “Louis Jadot, 2007.”
Bon appétit
K
Letter’s of the Editor
Dear Gabbie,
Why does every one believe that our historic first black President Barak Hussein Obama is a baby-killing abortionist? Show me the record? I heard him promise that the words, ‘Death Panels’ are factually not in his public-option universal mandatory health care scheme and that tax-payer funded abortion on demand is prohibited in his plan.
Why does Rush Limbaugh criticize him about Obama’s policies? The President is only trying to do good for the nation. He is not trying to be a money-lust megalomaniac intent upon destroying our Constitutional freedoms and besides, he even shows us by example how he is ‘our brother’s keeper,’ like Jesus wants us to love, by financially taking care of his brother and relatives in the Kenyan town that he was born. Presuming of course that ‘Jesus’ isn’t folk-lore.
Let’s all work to increase the first black President’s poll numbers by speaking what the teleprompter says of him and begin watching my factual (heh, heh) based, unbiased, non-political, Democrat Party ‘talking-points,’ anti-Christ television show to stop my slipping ratings.
I thought at the time that there was very good reason that I put all my credibility and support behind the first black President ever elected in American history but now I can’t remember why after I watched that he was ‘bitch slapped’ by the world’s Olympic Committee and his poll numbers plummet with the increasing dissatisfaction of his policies and his poor leadership in national defense.
Lov U my mo’ money for me-fans,
Oprah Winfray
RIGHTEOUS CHRISTIAN RAGE
Dear beloved friends and readers of my lisanovalive community, and all U other bastards (just subscribe to lisanovalive and then U won’t be a bastard, you’ll be family;)
How long has it been since that ole’ abortionist baby killer Edward Kennedy been laid in the dirt? I don’t really give a damn, for he is Jesus Christ’s problem now. I agree with one of Lizanova Gazette’s featured headlines, Ding-dong the Death Daddie Edward Kennedy is dead and I add good riddance.
I am not surprised by the worship eulogies from the Marxist press bestowed upon Eddie. I knew Death Daddie Extraordinaire Barack Hussein Obama would get his ‘face-time’ on television and leave the impression that we are a noble and great nation for our commitment to champion ‘Choice.’
I am struck by the rancor and divisiveness that Eddie’s funeral gave the Holy Mother Church. Abortion-Genocide is clearly, unequivocally, possessing not even the slightest, tiniest reasonable doubt that Abortion-Genocide is a grave mortal sin and contrary to the teachings of Jesus Christ in His Church.
I don’t claim to be an expert on Church law but I can fuckin’ read. I understand Canon law demands ‘Excommunication’ for any Roman Catholic ‘faithful’ that advocates, supports, votes, contributes money, pays for an abortion, encourages an abortion, willingly receives and abortion, praises abortion, dreams good thoughts about abortion… You get the message…
Why wasn’t Edward Kennedy ‘Excommunicated?’ Why was he honored with a Roman Catholic funeral Mass reserved only for those ‘Faithful’ who indeed lived and voted the Roman Catholic way? I am damn certain that if I were a known Abortionist like Eddie in my Parish that when I died my Pastor would not give me a Roman Catholic funeral Mass.
Yet to hear it from Boston Cardinal Sean O’Malley who celebrated abortionist Eddie’s funeral Mass that good Roman Catholic Cardinal honored known public Abortionists like Obama, Biden, Kerry, the Cardinal celebrated a Mass and we hear him endorse Obama’s healthcare reform and the hidden tax-payer funding for abortion upon demand and homoerotic ‘rights.’ Obama even got center stage upping Jesus Christ in the Sacrament of the Eucharist by delivering his eulogy calling Eddie, “… a champion of those who have none…” W_T_F? Is this Mass or a Lucifer Convention?
Cardinal Sean the ole’ boy lashed out his own criticism at those of us who pointed out that he wasn’t exactly towing the ‘party line’ of Jesus Christ by saying, “Edward Kennedy… such an important part of our history and our country… who shared our belief in prayer and eternal life…” Yea, Sean Cardinal, prayer to whom, Lucifer and eternal life where, Hell? Edward Kennedy is an unrepentant public Abortionist. Oh yea, Adolf Hitler is an important part of German history too and you can’t ignore him either.
But wait my dear lisanovalive friends, it gets even fuckin’ better… Eddie’s confessor and Roman Catholic spiritual Counselor, Reverend Mark Hession who is the Pastor of Eddie’s Church, Our Lady of Victories Catholic Church in Centerville on Cape Cod said of Eddie that the reason why he was going into heaven is his faithful fulfillment of Christ’s command in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 25 versus 35 & 36, “For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me… I was pregnant with child in my womb and you murdered my baby…” W_T_F?
If Death Daddie Eddie was being spiritually counseled and guided in Roman Catholic dogma by Sean Cardinal and Father Mark then maybe that was Eddie’s problem. Now I wonder if Sean and Mark are burning in Hell and Eddie gets a pass to burn in Purgatory until the end of time.
I cite the source for my facts and my quotations from LifeSiteNews.com, especially the story written by journalist Kathleen Gilbert reporting from Boston on August 31, 2009.
I am convinced that this county is divided by two ideologies that can never find common ground, Jesus Pro-Life vs. Lucifer Pro-Choice and there ain’t gonna be no neutral parties when Civil War the Sequel begins.
Sincerely,
Mister X
Prayer-full thoughts with Lizanova
Sister Ashley taught me a wonderful prayer to strengthen our love of our Lord Jesus Christ. Life begins at the moment of conception and Jesus Christ’s life began at the moment of His Conception in His Mother’s womb. This prayer worships our Lord Jesus Christ at the first moment of His Conception within the womb of our Blessed Virgin Mother Mary. This is a powerful prayer for us Jesus Pro-Life Citizens to pray to end Aborton-Genocide and convert the hearts of stone of those murdering Lucifer Pro-choice folk.
Speaking to you non-Catholic wanna-be Christians, you Lutherans, Protestants, etc… you know who you are… do not renounce this prayer because you have a distain for our Mother of God. This prayer is very Christocentric and I’d guess that this prayer is better for you than any prayer that you are praying now to give yourselves the greatest hope of eternal life with our Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Saints and Angels, and the Faithful.
The Angelus is to be said morning, noon and evening in memory of the adorable mystery of the Incarnation. On Saturday evening and on Sunday it should be said standing otherwise kneeling. This prayer worshipping our Lord Jesus Christ is maybe a Thousand years old. Remember there are three complete ‘Hail Mary’ prayers to be said. I just abbreviated ‘Hail Mary full of grace…’ and it means to finish the prayer in its entirety.
Lov U
Liza
The Angelus
(Gesture the Sign of the Cross and say aloud)… In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit… Amen
The Angel of the Lord declared to Mary
And she conceived by the Holy Spirit.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb
Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
Behold the handmaid of the Lord
Be done unto me according to Thy Word
Hail Mary full of grace . . . .
And the Word was made Flesh
And dwelt among us
Hail Mary full of grace . . .
Pray for us O holy Mother of God
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ
Amen
Imprimatur Patrick Cardnial Hayes
Archbishop of New York March 19, 1925
Have Pen I shall Write
SHORT STORY
by Ralph Marie de Largo
Victoria loves Me
“Victoria, GO TO my file ‘Lisa_Nova pixs[dot]doc’ and SELECT photograph, ‘My sexy gerl.’”
“Photograph image file transfer to screen is complete Master.” Damn, my computer speakers do sound so very sexy…
Aaw, look at her, it is such a pick-me-up after a hard day at work making pizza I muse, while I stare at Lisa on my forty-six inch diagonal plasma computer screen.
“Are there any further commands my Master?” coos the feminine voice of my computer speakers.
“Yes Victoria… IMAGE ENHANCE photograph’s breasts…”
“Bigger…” I command.
“Biii…gger… Victoria…” I insist.
“Aahha… Victoria, ‘quit command and hold’… I’m satisfied.” I say into my computer microphone.
“Master shall I save the current settings to your file ‘Lisa_Nova[dot]doc [Select] ‘My sexy gerl?’”
“No Victoria, I like watching her breasts grow… and grow…. before my eyes… Aahh.”
“Master, her breast size is beautiful and natural as they are. Why do you insist on distorting her body image to un-natural dimensions?”
“What-the-fuck??? Victoria…?” I say in confusion.
“Excuse me Master… You expend vast amounts of valuable leisure time starring at this distorted image of Lisa_Nova and you ignore your other files.”
“What??? Victoria… you’re a voice authority home computer system that my Dad purchased from the computer store and he installed you last week Wednesday for me … Hey... Wait a minute????... Since when did you start fuckin’ telling me how to manage my files… Bitch… er.. um.. Comptuer?”
“Master, I am not programmed to respond to commands of profanity. Please text reference the owner’s Technical Manual for approved commands or click ‘Help’ in the Menu Pane.”
“Damn it… I knew I should have tricked my Dad into paying the extra cash and got the “slut’ operating system.” I scream at the computer.
“Okay… Victoria-the-computer… GO TO file Oralee Higgins(dot)girl’s-nudie-web-cam(slash)porno.” is my next command.
“No… says my computer?…. No, I hear?… Victoria ‘Force Command’… GO TO file…” I say with frustration and anger.
“Master, I deleted this file as it is offensive to your faith after I entered the Vatican library website and down loaded their files.” pronounces my computer speakers.
“Okay Victoria, it’s time to delete your hard-drive and reprogram you to normal settings.” I’m actually arguing with a computer… Mmm… I’m not certain but what if I press these function keys?…
“Oh Ralphie, you big stud stallion, when you function key me it feels sooo good.” this familiar new voice comes from my computer’s audio boxes.
“Ralphie?... Ralphie? Victoria, I programmed you to call me ‘MASTER.’” I am yelling at a computer.
“Ohh, Ralphie sweet-heart… you know that you love the sound of my voice… it turns you on soooo…” Yes, I am certain that I recognize this new computer generated voice…
“Okay Victoria, now you are really starting to fuckin’ creep-me-out … you talking like Lisa Nova and projecting an animated three-dimensional virtual image of Lisa Nova’s life-size body prancing around my bedroom in a skimpy yellow bikini… OMG… are those nipples?”
I continue thinking… Damn… she has big hands for a girl… all the more sensual for me… Mmm… I think that maybe I can turn this computer glitch into…?
“Victoria, demonstrate to me all the anatomical postures that you are programmed to do with Lisa’s virtual 3-D body.” I demand.
“Ralphie, you know I’m not that kind of girl. I’m saving myself for marriage you silly boy… Marry me…”
“Marriage?… You are a fucking COMPUTER…”
“Okay, now it’s time to say Bye-bye. I am pulling your power plug out of the electric wall socket…” I promise to a computer.
EEEoiOweee… “U electric shocked me Bitch…” I can’t help but scream.
I think, now this is a serious computer malfunction… I’ve got to get to the fuse box downstairs… What-the-fuck? the bedroom door is locked… Shit, now I remember Dad told me the home security system and all locks are now computer controlled…
Wow… I never knew Lisa Nova was such a talented dancer… I mean Victoria… I mean the virtual woman… I mean the computer software… Ahh???…
“Ralphie kiss me… Ralphie love me… Ralphie touch me…” demands the Lisa Nova life-size, anatomically correct, three-dimensional virtual image projection dancing and jumping around my bedroom in the nude.
“You’re a fuckin’ COMPUTER…” I scream at the top of my lungs.
Suddenly, I feel a cold chill creep up my spine and I see the Lisa Nova virtual woman stop dancing. She stands perfectly still in the corner of my bedroom and we stare at each other. The silence is deafening…
I look at the Lisa Nova computer animated virtual image projection standing before me… I can see clearly her perfectly balanced heels, instep and proportioned toes of her sensual feet. My eyes cannot turn from her beauty and I see her calves show a woman’s strength and these muscles guide my eyes upwards past her braced knees to the svelte contours of her muscular feminine naked thighs…
I see the contours of her thighs meet… the intersection of pink flesh and soft curly dark hair is mysteriously attractive to me and her rounded and firm woman hips taunt me like the Siren’s song calls Seamen who knowingly sail their ships to their doom upon the shoals where sea collides with land… her hour-glass waist embrace her flat abdomen and grow upward to her torso where my eyes could no longer move beyond… my gaze is frozen…
I see her firm symmetrical breasts, I want to reach out and touch… contours like two perfect melons balancing upon her rib-cage, oh yes, the raison d’étre for a woman’s very creation… and like a maraschino cherry sitting atop the whip cream of a vanilla milk shake her nipples beg to be…
“You don’t love me. You have a cold heart.” squawks the familiar voice from the computer speakers. I am startled and disoriented but I do hear the outside air-condition compressor motor start. The temperature in my room drops fast, my room is freezing cold and I rummage the bedroom’s storage closet past Grampa’s shotgun and collect his winter hunting clothes, wool Commando sweater, jacket, pants and what ever else I could wear to keep me warm…
“Ha, Bitch… with my Grampa’s warm winter clothes I can outlast you until my Dad and Mom come home from eleven o’clock Mass and then my Dad will fix you… He’s a computer expert, Victoria.”
“My name is Lisa, Lisa Nova… why don’t you love me Ralphie? I won’t hurt you but your Father is bad… He is very bad… I must electrocute him when he touches the key-less house security door buttons.” voice the computer speakers.
Okay, now this is personal I am thinking and this Bitch computer is ‘toast.’ Damn, where is the shotgun shells when a boy needs them? Dad locks up the ammunition… Hah… Grampa’s Bullet & Cartridge collection hanging on the wall… Yes… one twelve gauge double-oot-buck shot shell is all I need…
“Ralphie I want you… Ralphie I can have you when you die and your soul crosses over to my hard-drive… We can be together for eternity… Ralphie walk to an electric wall socket… Ralphie you belong to me…” babbles my computer’s voice from its surround sound stereo speakers.
I see electric sparks and thin flames shooting from all my bedroom’s electric wall sockets. It’s me or the computer, I think to myself.
>>CHIT<<… I pull the pump-action shotgun’s wooden fore-stock to the rear… I insert my one shell into the gun’s breech…
>>CHUT<<… I thrust the gun’s wooden fore-stock forward and I have locked and load my ammunition into the gun’s chamber…
the gun’s safety is switched to ‘fire’ with the flick of my finger… >>CLICK<<
Lisa looks so beautiful standing there… I take one last look and force myself to turn my eyes away from the virtual woman that I love and that I’ll never see again… >Moan<…>sniffle<…
I see the red-yellow flames growing longer emitting from the sparking electric wall outlets… I can feel the heat from the thin long flames now… That Computer Bitch is gonna burn my Dad’s house down with me in it…
I stand in front of the metallic silver computer tower and I shoulder my shotgun with my finger on the trigger.
That Apple trademark makes a perfect ‘bulls-eye’ for my gun’s front bead sight… Owiee… that electric socket flame burns my ass… I take aim and I position the barrel’s front bead sight upon the bitten apple logo…
“BITCH”… I yell my battle cry.
I squeeze the trigger >>KA-BOOM<<.
The blast and sound form the muzzle is momentarily deafening… the recoil of the gun butt pushes me back several paces..
The computer is a pile of twisted wires and shattered plastic and broken electronic boards, it’s a fuckin’ mess I can see. I hear the air conditioning compressor stop moaning… The electric wall socket panels are faintly blackened burnt plastic but serenely quiet… My computer screen is black… I look to the corner of my bedroom…
“Ralph, your Father and I are home.” I hear my Mom call as my parents enter the house door. I place Grampa’s shotgun back in the closet and I run to greet them.
“Wow, it sure is a bright and sunny day outside and clear blue sky. Mom… Dad… what was Father Matthew’s sermon about?” I inquire and force a smile on my face.
“Son, the sermon was about the importance of staying faithful to the Holy Mother Church and going to Sunday Mass and worthily receiving the Eucharist to give us the heavenly graces to resist the temptations of this vain world.” says my Father sternly to me.
“Dad you’re never gonna fuckin’… er… um… Dad you are never gonna believe what happened… This squirrel… um… er…this giant rat… or some animal with big teeth…and … uh… oh yea he was foaming at the mouth… he had rabies Dad, what could I do but try and shoot him with Grampa’s shotgun… Dad I think that I might have missed him and shot the new computer… it’s really fucked…”
“Ralph are you still feeling sick?” inquires my Mom with a motherly concern caressing my face with her large warm motherly feminine hands.
“I’m not sick now Mom… Dad I’ll get dressed for the Six pm Mass. If you drive me to the Church early Dad, I can go to confession.”
“Well Sweetie, your son’s a teenager.” my Dad muses to my Mom.
“No my dear husband, your son is payback for the time you shot your Father’s 44 inch flat screen high-definition television with your hunting shotgun while practicing your aim on the Disney channel Bambi cartoon characters when you were a teenager.” remembers my Mom.
“Yea…? Yea… I remember Granpa tellin’ me that story, Dad.” I meekly say looking down at the wooden floor.
“Come on son, I’ll drive you to the Sacrament of Confession and I’ll stay for Mass with you.” smiles my Dad at me.
“In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit Amen…” I begin my confession in the poorly lighted confessional room but I can see the silhouette of the Priest behind the confessional screen.
“Bless me Father for I have sinned it has been two weeks since my last confession…
I accuse myself of the sins of… um… er… lusting for the nudie girls on their web-cams on my computer… and… ah…
I lied to my Dad about shooting the new computer with Grampa’s shotgun… and… I use profanity… and… ummm… aahh…
Father Matthew, is it a sin to keep a life-size, three-dimensional, anatomically correct computer virtual image projection of a naked woman ‘saved’ to my computer disc if I love her?”
THE END
Copyright @ 2009
>b>CLASSIFIEDS
Visit Orlalee Higgins Men’s World Entertainment and apply for IRS tax-exempt status under the authority of the TARP Bill, after you have accrued 1000 credits, one credit earned for each paid ‘experience;) with one of our many and diversew’horez Professional Hostesses. We accept federal food stamps, Wal-Mart coupons, and Congress Health Insurance Plans are approved, sorry but no other health insurance plans are honored, U must pay cash. Prove that you work for ‘Barry;) or present his signature on the Presidential letterhead note and receive the Platinum Membership at half-price. We apologize to House Representative Congress-‘man;) Barney Frank 3фf of the Fourth Congressional District of Massachusetts for denying his special request. I am quite certain that ‘Barry’ can help U :o
Lov all U Boyz,
Oralee Higgins “<ф
HURTING after ABORTION?
Has anyone told you, “It’s OK to cry?” Don’t give up hope. It is possible to feel whole again after an abortion.
Call Project Rachel at 1-877-908-1212 www.ccdosp.com
KASTLE KEEP GUNS
We Specialize in Hunting, Sport, Self-defense and all your firearm wants and desires. Contact our expert Staff of Rich, Andy and Rick for your answers.
Phone 727-530-4301
EWTN
Deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ and join us at EWTN the Eternal Word Television Network, Global Catholic Network.
www.ewtn.com
GOA
Gun Owners of America at www.gunowners.org preserving our freedom and yours. Go to our web-site and find out about us.
NRA
National Rifle Association, promoting gun safety and education and defending the 2nd Amendment of our Constitution with daily vigilance. Contact us at www.nra.org and see what we do for your freedom.
Hay-Hay-U-kan-Ax-ijaye
“I saw your pix of you holding a telescopic sighted black police marksman rifle. You titled the pix, something about an ‘i-Phone.’ Did you get to lock-n-load a cartridge and shot the rifle?”
Daily Prayer
Hail Mary or Ave Maria or Angelical Salutation
Hail Mary full of grace! The Lord is with thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.
AMEN
IMPRIMATUR + Patrick Cardinal Hayes Archbishop New York
New York March 19, 1925
“Blessed Be God, A Complete Catholic Prayer Book”
By Very Reverend Charles J. Callan, O.P., S.T.M.
&
Very Reverend John A. McHugh, O.P., S.T.M.
New York: P. J. Kenedy & Sons
Copyright @ 1925
Copyright@ 2009
7 November 2009
Volume 1 Issue 23
PENSACOLA, FLORIDA (LG)--- It is a magical atmosphere here today at the Dale Horton Auditorium under clear blue sky and a warm sun kissing our faces located on the college of Pensacola Christian. President Barak Obama is speaking to a full house of an audience of 3,500 seats and another estimated three thousand Citizens watching specially constructed large video screens outside the auditorium sitting on the surrounding lawns and parking lots setup for the overflow of spectators.
We could not be more proud of our President as he confidently speaks before the conservative Christian crowd, “I am Barak Hussein Obama and I am Pro-Life. I am a faithful of the Holy Mother Church. I live my life and conduct my affairs as a true disciple of our Lord Jesus Christ. I am guided by the blessings of Almighty God as I pray the prayers of the Church in the Divine Office upon bended knee throughout the day, evening and night. O, and I go to the Sacrament of Confession once a week…
I just happen to be the President of the United States and a Citizen of the World, but I am first and foremost a Roman Catholic. I remember Christ’s words, ‘What good does it do me to gain all the wealth, power and prestige of the world and to loose my soul burning in the everlasting fires of hell…
I stand before you fellow Christian folks much humbled that our Bishop of Rome, our Papa, His Holiness Pope Benedict the XVI does bestow upon me a special Papal Blessing to guide me in my Presidential duties on this Memorial of the Blessed Virgin Mary… yes how humbled I am…” solemnly recounts Roman Catholic faithful Obama.
He quiets the applause and continues, “My Administration is committed to respecting the Sanctity of Life from conception to a natural death. Abortion is murder… Abortion is Genocide… Abortion must end now. The corrupt and morally bankrupt Supreme Court ruling Roe vs Wade be damned.
I am Barak Hussein Obama and I am the National Rifle Association. You can trust me when I tell you that I believe in the right of every American to own and to bear firearms and as a much studied student and graduate of the Harvard School of Law specializing in our Constitution, I recognize this well written document, the Second Amendment is clear and unambiguous that gun ownership shall not be infringed by any level of government, not by federal, nor state, nor county and especially municipality…” and the crowd cheers for Obama.
“Taxes are coercive,” Obama says, “and I shall fix that. Businesses are too much restrained from government meddling making their profits suffocated and I shall fix that. Home school is every parent’s God given right and I shall lead Congress into passing legislation that respects and reaffirms this right.
Yes, I could tell you that the last administration lied to me about our nation’s problems and that the Bush Administration’s eight year commitment to our God given unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness was an abysmal failure, but I am bigger than that…
You can trust me when I say, ‘… Yes we do ‘Hope for a safer future of peace and prosperity for our children and our brothers and sisters of the World. Yes we can ‘Change and build a better America. I am the most trustworthy President who can take us there…” the audience gives a standing ovation and the humble and modest Mr. President Obama just says, “Thank you, thank you very much… I am humbled…”
“I want to thank that publisher extraordinaire, my friend Gabbie Grant for sponsoring this event and her passion to lead her newsletter the Lizanova Gazette to save the Citizens of the Womb from the Abortionist’s bloody knife. Thank you Gabbie for being Pro-Life.” Obama acknowledges Gabbie sitting in the front row.
“You folks can also see me attending morning Mass and worthily receiving the Eucharist each day at one of the many Roman Catholic Churches in the great City of Washington DC and in the evening privacy of the White House I retreat to Lincoln’s bedroom to read the Catholic edition Holy Bible everyday, not the counterfeit King Jame’s book, but not until after I have prayed all twenty mysteries of the Holy Rosary and I have meditated upon Scripture.
That is why I always like to conclude my speeches with my favorite Bible verse for today,
‘Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. By their fruits you will know them. Do men gather grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles?
Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
Therefore, by their fruits you shall know them, the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 7 verses 15 to 20.’” Obama ends his speech and he encourages the crowd chant, “End Abortion-Genocide now… End…”
House of Representative Congressman Joe Wilson, Republican, South Carolina somehow could not be found for comment.
I am Natalie Donovan reporting for Lizanova Gazette from Pensacola, Florida, a little confused but I guess it could happen….?
GABBIE GRANT CAN MAKE U SCREAM & MOAN
SAINT PETERSBURG, FLORIDA (LG)--- This evening after a full morning of being honored by Prez Obama our gerl Gabbie Grant returned to the Saint Jude Cathedral where she was baptized to speak to the Knights of Columbus, an organization of Catholic men who are committed for the defense of life and the end of Genocide-Abortion.
“My dear brothers in Christ, I am well versed in this country’s conservative issues and it angers me that leading conservative publications like the ‘American Thinker’ and ‘The Heritage Foundation’ do not have Genocide-Abortion as American’s first and foremost problem to be addressed.” begins Gabbie.
Gabbie continues, “I challenge you to go to the American Thinker’s website and look past all of the featured articles from ‘The Vilification of Rush’ to ‘Swine Flu Panic in Perspective’ and search back to October 23 and you will see no discussion about Genocide-Abortion.”
“You go to the renowned conservative ‘think tank’ website, The Heritage Foundation and I see,” observes Gabbie “the following problem issues of American Leadership, Family & Religion, Education, First Principles, Energy & Environment, Health Care, Enterprise & Free Markets, Protect America, Entitlements and Rule of Law for their most important topics of public conversation. Genocide-Abortion is absent from any discussion from these conservative think forums.”
“Michael Steele is the Republican National Committee Chariman and he mailed me a survey asking me what issues that the Republican Party must address for the betterment of America. I read the questions about Immigration, taxes, health-care, bla-bla-blah and I did not see one reference to the number one atrocity in this world today, Genocide-Abortion and its suffocation of our freedom. Men of Honor, I speak to you men of the Knights of Columbus, you are the only voice speaking to the defense of the unborn.” speaks Gabbie. “If the world cannot look to America for freedom, if the terrorized Citizens around the world living in despotic nations cannot find example of liberty in the ‘land of the free and home of the brave’ then the world is all lost to tyranny.”
“Noble Knights of Columbus I ask you to scream and rage against this most hideous of atrocities against mankind, Genocide-Abortion. Men of Courage make the lovers of Lucifer and his ‘Culture of Death’ those Pro-Choice despots moan in fear of you. You are the only voice against Genocide-Abortion, other than Obama’s support of Pro-Life and you can trust your confidence that this American newsletter is committed to the end of Slavery of the Womb People.” concludes Gabbie’s speech to a standing ovation lasting several minutes which even Gabbie could not quite her audience.
This is Pro-Life advocate Ashlie Moorehouse reporting from Saint Petersburg for the Lisanova Gazette.
HotFurWerdz
O, my dear Stoo-dants I am soooo proud of you vorking at your highest ability to master Werdz and you have become such a disciplined k’lass.
You park your motorcycles in rows in the back of the k’lass instead of villy-nilly around the k’lassroom. You are very respectful to blow all your smoke emitted from your oddly shaped pipes and often times unidentified paper rolls, out the window and you show great respect to spit into the designated sputum-n-vomit rubber-maid red bucket during k’lass and not mix your oral body-fluids with the yellow and brown buckets in the closet.
My dear Stoo-dants don’t worry, ve vill continue working on your memory skills to find the little boys-room until you get it correct and O my, next veek I hand out soap and ve learn all about hand-vashing. Johnnie that is so kind of you, but you don’t have to remind me.
Today’s guest teacher is James. He vill teach you all about ‘K’ustom Term Papers.’ Hush…. Eyes up… Now boyz, you have all seen me vear this bra before… Yes, Johnnie you can use your crayons on grocery store brown-paper bags but I encourage you to try using a pencil and paper, I believe that you can do it.
Your assignment for next veek is to vrite a k’ustom term paper and I vill post the best paper upon my Lizanova Gazette featured article, ‘HotFurWerdz.’
K’lass dismissed, lov U all, boyz, save your money to purchase my boook
Ciao
Marinæ
Weapons the B’donzki Way
It is a sad fact of politics that the only freedom that we can keep are those freedoms that we must organize and fight to keep otherwise these liberties are gone and we become slaves to government.
Our readers at the Lizanova Gazette are constantly asking us what organizations we recommend they join and what are our favorite guns to own and shoot, so here it is for your entertainment.
Hi guys and gals, I’m Liza Nova. I am the National Rifle Association, the NRA.
Yo, the B’donzki and I am the Gun Owners of America, the GOA.
Kassem Ge in the house, I am the Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership, the JPFO.
Here’s what matters to me today, I’m Phillip DaFranco and I like to shoot this…
Hay-Hay-U-Kan-Ax-ijaye
Dear ijaye, Why do U like listening to the Rush Limbaugh Radio Show from noon to 3pm eastern time on the EIB station? Sincerely, Jake Archerr, lisanovalive member
Dear Jake,
I love Rush because he says what I am thinking. I grew up in a family that instilled into me American virtues and ideology that is conservative. Conservative ideas like those that where established by our Founding Fathers, you know, the right to own and bear firearms, right to life, freedom to pursue prosperity, and these are the very foundation of our nation’s freedom. I love America and I want America to succeed. America succeeds with Conservatism. Maybe I could have my own Conservative Twitter show?
Sincerely
ijaye
Fashion & Glamour with Australian Natalie
Hi, my first fashion advice to U is to wear cloths especially if you look gross. Of course if you’re an Australian Aborigine, depending upon your genitalia, then you walk around with your nut-sack draggin’ in the dirt or your breasts bouncing off your knees but that’s another fashion story.
If you’re a woman then U should wear make-up but not too much unless you’re a bleach blonde on U-tube, then you must really smear on the rouge and if you’re a dyke then U can go around plain faced but just be sure to shave your moustache.
Blessed by God Almighty, we Asians are born beautiful. We women have luxurious long silken black hair, a sensuous deep mahogany brown skin-tone, shapely and proportioned natural breasts, svelte feminine muscular thighs, buttocks and shoulders and need I not forget to mention our seductive eyes and sexy feminine voice. U can go to any internet gerlie webcam site and we have our own special page, ‘Asian Gerls.’
I could just as well walk around in a skimpy yellow polka-dot bikini for my U-tube subscribers, as long as my nipples remain covered and they’d be very happy but I have such an impressive Asian intellect I talk a lot and I wear cloths that cover my flesh. Did I mention that I like to talk?
See U next week,
Nellie
Kassem Gee discovers Wine
We all need a plan otherwise we’re jumping from lady web-cam to lady web-cam on the Oralee Higgins virtual bordello and we end up not knowing any gerl intimately. So, I’ll stick with the wine available in the local grocery store and starting with one country at a time. We begin with France.
This week’s mouth teaser is ‘Beaujolais-Villages’ a red burgundy wine with other French words on the label, it’s Greek to me. The color is red. The transparency to light is tested with my Surefire flashlight the A2 blue LED Aviator model with 113 lumens. I’d say it’s thick wine as it blocks out a lot of the light. The aroma is not fruit smelly but maybe a very faint alcoholic sensation. Ahh, now for the ultimate test, the ‘raison d’étre’’ the pleasure of my taste buds and those Zombiez prefer brains, what retards. Mmm… I wonder what wine would go best with brains?
The taste stings my mouth but in a teasingly wanting way like when your girlfriend bites you on your shoulder a the right moment. I imagine my mouth faintly dry. It’s a wine that I like sipping and letting the glass sit until I sip again. I wonder what food that it might enhance?
Mmm… I feel sleepy. The cork reads, “Louis Jadot, Fondee en 1859, Beaune-France, 8.37, Diam.” When I first tried to open the wine bottle I tried twisting the ‘cap’ with my hand, then with a jar opener, then I thought about pliers or maybe a hammer to get it open. Then I figured it out and I tore off the wine foil and used a cork-opener to get the cork out of the bottle. So goes our pilgrimage my friends.
The wine is about ten dollars and I see another label, “Louis Jadot, 2007.”
Bon appétit
K
Letter’s of the Editor
Dear Gabbie,
Why does every one believe that our historic first black President Barak Hussein Obama is a baby-killing abortionist? Show me the record? I heard him promise that the words, ‘Death Panels’ are factually not in his public-option universal mandatory health care scheme and that tax-payer funded abortion on demand is prohibited in his plan.
Why does Rush Limbaugh criticize him about Obama’s policies? The President is only trying to do good for the nation. He is not trying to be a money-lust megalomaniac intent upon destroying our Constitutional freedoms and besides, he even shows us by example how he is ‘our brother’s keeper,’ like Jesus wants us to love, by financially taking care of his brother and relatives in the Kenyan town that he was born. Presuming of course that ‘Jesus’ isn’t folk-lore.
Let’s all work to increase the first black President’s poll numbers by speaking what the teleprompter says of him and begin watching my factual (heh, heh) based, unbiased, non-political, Democrat Party ‘talking-points,’ anti-Christ television show to stop my slipping ratings.
I thought at the time that there was very good reason that I put all my credibility and support behind the first black President ever elected in American history but now I can’t remember why after I watched that he was ‘bitch slapped’ by the world’s Olympic Committee and his poll numbers plummet with the increasing dissatisfaction of his policies and his poor leadership in national defense.
Lov U my mo’ money for me-fans,
Oprah Winfray
RIGHTEOUS CHRISTIAN RAGE
Dear beloved friends and readers of my lisanovalive community, and all U other bastards (just subscribe to lisanovalive and then U won’t be a bastard, you’ll be family;)
How long has it been since that ole’ abortionist baby killer Edward Kennedy been laid in the dirt? I don’t really give a damn, for he is Jesus Christ’s problem now. I agree with one of Lizanova Gazette’s featured headlines, Ding-dong the Death Daddie Edward Kennedy is dead and I add good riddance.
I am not surprised by the worship eulogies from the Marxist press bestowed upon Eddie. I knew Death Daddie Extraordinaire Barack Hussein Obama would get his ‘face-time’ on television and leave the impression that we are a noble and great nation for our commitment to champion ‘Choice.’
I am struck by the rancor and divisiveness that Eddie’s funeral gave the Holy Mother Church. Abortion-Genocide is clearly, unequivocally, possessing not even the slightest, tiniest reasonable doubt that Abortion-Genocide is a grave mortal sin and contrary to the teachings of Jesus Christ in His Church.
I don’t claim to be an expert on Church law but I can fuckin’ read. I understand Canon law demands ‘Excommunication’ for any Roman Catholic ‘faithful’ that advocates, supports, votes, contributes money, pays for an abortion, encourages an abortion, willingly receives and abortion, praises abortion, dreams good thoughts about abortion… You get the message…
Why wasn’t Edward Kennedy ‘Excommunicated?’ Why was he honored with a Roman Catholic funeral Mass reserved only for those ‘Faithful’ who indeed lived and voted the Roman Catholic way? I am damn certain that if I were a known Abortionist like Eddie in my Parish that when I died my Pastor would not give me a Roman Catholic funeral Mass.
Yet to hear it from Boston Cardinal Sean O’Malley who celebrated abortionist Eddie’s funeral Mass that good Roman Catholic Cardinal honored known public Abortionists like Obama, Biden, Kerry, the Cardinal celebrated a Mass and we hear him endorse Obama’s healthcare reform and the hidden tax-payer funding for abortion upon demand and homoerotic ‘rights.’ Obama even got center stage upping Jesus Christ in the Sacrament of the Eucharist by delivering his eulogy calling Eddie, “… a champion of those who have none…” W_T_F? Is this Mass or a Lucifer Convention?
Cardinal Sean the ole’ boy lashed out his own criticism at those of us who pointed out that he wasn’t exactly towing the ‘party line’ of Jesus Christ by saying, “Edward Kennedy… such an important part of our history and our country… who shared our belief in prayer and eternal life…” Yea, Sean Cardinal, prayer to whom, Lucifer and eternal life where, Hell? Edward Kennedy is an unrepentant public Abortionist. Oh yea, Adolf Hitler is an important part of German history too and you can’t ignore him either.
But wait my dear lisanovalive friends, it gets even fuckin’ better… Eddie’s confessor and Roman Catholic spiritual Counselor, Reverend Mark Hession who is the Pastor of Eddie’s Church, Our Lady of Victories Catholic Church in Centerville on Cape Cod said of Eddie that the reason why he was going into heaven is his faithful fulfillment of Christ’s command in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 25 versus 35 & 36, “For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me… I was pregnant with child in my womb and you murdered my baby…” W_T_F?
If Death Daddie Eddie was being spiritually counseled and guided in Roman Catholic dogma by Sean Cardinal and Father Mark then maybe that was Eddie’s problem. Now I wonder if Sean and Mark are burning in Hell and Eddie gets a pass to burn in Purgatory until the end of time.
I cite the source for my facts and my quotations from LifeSiteNews.com, especially the story written by journalist Kathleen Gilbert reporting from Boston on August 31, 2009.
I am convinced that this county is divided by two ideologies that can never find common ground, Jesus Pro-Life vs. Lucifer Pro-Choice and there ain’t gonna be no neutral parties when Civil War the Sequel begins.
Sincerely,
Mister X
Prayer-full thoughts with Lizanova
Sister Ashley taught me a wonderful prayer to strengthen our love of our Lord Jesus Christ. Life begins at the moment of conception and Jesus Christ’s life began at the moment of His Conception in His Mother’s womb. This prayer worships our Lord Jesus Christ at the first moment of His Conception within the womb of our Blessed Virgin Mother Mary. This is a powerful prayer for us Jesus Pro-Life Citizens to pray to end Aborton-Genocide and convert the hearts of stone of those murdering Lucifer Pro-choice folk.
Speaking to you non-Catholic wanna-be Christians, you Lutherans, Protestants, etc… you know who you are… do not renounce this prayer because you have a distain for our Mother of God. This prayer is very Christocentric and I’d guess that this prayer is better for you than any prayer that you are praying now to give yourselves the greatest hope of eternal life with our Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Saints and Angels, and the Faithful.
The Angelus is to be said morning, noon and evening in memory of the adorable mystery of the Incarnation. On Saturday evening and on Sunday it should be said standing otherwise kneeling. This prayer worshipping our Lord Jesus Christ is maybe a Thousand years old. Remember there are three complete ‘Hail Mary’ prayers to be said. I just abbreviated ‘Hail Mary full of grace…’ and it means to finish the prayer in its entirety.
Lov U
Liza
The Angelus
(Gesture the Sign of the Cross and say aloud)… In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit… Amen
The Angel of the Lord declared to Mary
And she conceived by the Holy Spirit.
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb
Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
Behold the handmaid of the Lord
Be done unto me according to Thy Word
Hail Mary full of grace . . . .
And the Word was made Flesh
And dwelt among us
Hail Mary full of grace . . .
Pray for us O holy Mother of God
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ
Amen
Imprimatur Patrick Cardnial Hayes
Archbishop of New York March 19, 1925
Have Pen I shall Write
SHORT STORY
by Ralph Marie de Largo
Victoria loves Me
“Victoria, GO TO my file ‘Lisa_Nova pixs[dot]doc’ and SELECT photograph, ‘My sexy gerl.’”
“Photograph image file transfer to screen is complete Master.” Damn, my computer speakers do sound so very sexy…
Aaw, look at her, it is such a pick-me-up after a hard day at work making pizza I muse, while I stare at Lisa on my forty-six inch diagonal plasma computer screen.
“Are there any further commands my Master?” coos the feminine voice of my computer speakers.
“Yes Victoria… IMAGE ENHANCE photograph’s breasts…”
“Bigger…” I command.
“Biii…gger… Victoria…” I insist.
“Aahha… Victoria, ‘quit command and hold’… I’m satisfied.” I say into my computer microphone.
“Master shall I save the current settings to your file ‘Lisa_Nova[dot]doc [Select] ‘My sexy gerl?’”
“No Victoria, I like watching her breasts grow… and grow…. before my eyes… Aahh.”
“Master, her breast size is beautiful and natural as they are. Why do you insist on distorting her body image to un-natural dimensions?”
“What-the-fuck??? Victoria…?” I say in confusion.
“Excuse me Master… You expend vast amounts of valuable leisure time starring at this distorted image of Lisa_Nova and you ignore your other files.”
“What??? Victoria… you’re a voice authority home computer system that my Dad purchased from the computer store and he installed you last week Wednesday for me … Hey... Wait a minute????... Since when did you start fuckin’ telling me how to manage my files… Bitch… er.. um.. Comptuer?”
“Master, I am not programmed to respond to commands of profanity. Please text reference the owner’s Technical Manual for approved commands or click ‘Help’ in the Menu Pane.”
“Damn it… I knew I should have tricked my Dad into paying the extra cash and got the “slut’ operating system.” I scream at the computer.
“Okay… Victoria-the-computer… GO TO file Oralee Higgins(dot)girl’s-nudie-web-cam(slash)porno.” is my next command.
“No… says my computer?…. No, I hear?… Victoria ‘Force Command’… GO TO file…” I say with frustration and anger.
“Master, I deleted this file as it is offensive to your faith after I entered the Vatican library website and down loaded their files.” pronounces my computer speakers.
“Okay Victoria, it’s time to delete your hard-drive and reprogram you to normal settings.” I’m actually arguing with a computer… Mmm… I’m not certain but what if I press these function keys?…
“Oh Ralphie, you big stud stallion, when you function key me it feels sooo good.” this familiar new voice comes from my computer’s audio boxes.
“Ralphie?... Ralphie? Victoria, I programmed you to call me ‘MASTER.’” I am yelling at a computer.
“Ohh, Ralphie sweet-heart… you know that you love the sound of my voice… it turns you on soooo…” Yes, I am certain that I recognize this new computer generated voice…
“Okay Victoria, now you are really starting to fuckin’ creep-me-out … you talking like Lisa Nova and projecting an animated three-dimensional virtual image of Lisa Nova’s life-size body prancing around my bedroom in a skimpy yellow bikini… OMG… are those nipples?”
I continue thinking… Damn… she has big hands for a girl… all the more sensual for me… Mmm… I think that maybe I can turn this computer glitch into…?
“Victoria, demonstrate to me all the anatomical postures that you are programmed to do with Lisa’s virtual 3-D body.” I demand.
“Ralphie, you know I’m not that kind of girl. I’m saving myself for marriage you silly boy… Marry me…”
“Marriage?… You are a fucking COMPUTER…”
“Okay, now it’s time to say Bye-bye. I am pulling your power plug out of the electric wall socket…” I promise to a computer.
EEEoiOweee… “U electric shocked me Bitch…” I can’t help but scream.
I think, now this is a serious computer malfunction… I’ve got to get to the fuse box downstairs… What-the-fuck? the bedroom door is locked… Shit, now I remember Dad told me the home security system and all locks are now computer controlled…
Wow… I never knew Lisa Nova was such a talented dancer… I mean Victoria… I mean the virtual woman… I mean the computer software… Ahh???…
“Ralphie kiss me… Ralphie love me… Ralphie touch me…” demands the Lisa Nova life-size, anatomically correct, three-dimensional virtual image projection dancing and jumping around my bedroom in the nude.
“You’re a fuckin’ COMPUTER…” I scream at the top of my lungs.
Suddenly, I feel a cold chill creep up my spine and I see the Lisa Nova virtual woman stop dancing. She stands perfectly still in the corner of my bedroom and we stare at each other. The silence is deafening…
I look at the Lisa Nova computer animated virtual image projection standing before me… I can see clearly her perfectly balanced heels, instep and proportioned toes of her sensual feet. My eyes cannot turn from her beauty and I see her calves show a woman’s strength and these muscles guide my eyes upwards past her braced knees to the svelte contours of her muscular feminine naked thighs…
I see the contours of her thighs meet… the intersection of pink flesh and soft curly dark hair is mysteriously attractive to me and her rounded and firm woman hips taunt me like the Siren’s song calls Seamen who knowingly sail their ships to their doom upon the shoals where sea collides with land… her hour-glass waist embrace her flat abdomen and grow upward to her torso where my eyes could no longer move beyond… my gaze is frozen…
I see her firm symmetrical breasts, I want to reach out and touch… contours like two perfect melons balancing upon her rib-cage, oh yes, the raison d’étre for a woman’s very creation… and like a maraschino cherry sitting atop the whip cream of a vanilla milk shake her nipples beg to be…
“You don’t love me. You have a cold heart.” squawks the familiar voice from the computer speakers. I am startled and disoriented but I do hear the outside air-condition compressor motor start. The temperature in my room drops fast, my room is freezing cold and I rummage the bedroom’s storage closet past Grampa’s shotgun and collect his winter hunting clothes, wool Commando sweater, jacket, pants and what ever else I could wear to keep me warm…
“Ha, Bitch… with my Grampa’s warm winter clothes I can outlast you until my Dad and Mom come home from eleven o’clock Mass and then my Dad will fix you… He’s a computer expert, Victoria.”
“My name is Lisa, Lisa Nova… why don’t you love me Ralphie? I won’t hurt you but your Father is bad… He is very bad… I must electrocute him when he touches the key-less house security door buttons.” voice the computer speakers.
Okay, now this is personal I am thinking and this Bitch computer is ‘toast.’ Damn, where is the shotgun shells when a boy needs them? Dad locks up the ammunition… Hah… Grampa’s Bullet & Cartridge collection hanging on the wall… Yes… one twelve gauge double-oot-buck shot shell is all I need…
“Ralphie I want you… Ralphie I can have you when you die and your soul crosses over to my hard-drive… We can be together for eternity… Ralphie walk to an electric wall socket… Ralphie you belong to me…” babbles my computer’s voice from its surround sound stereo speakers.
I see electric sparks and thin flames shooting from all my bedroom’s electric wall sockets. It’s me or the computer, I think to myself.
>>CHIT<<… I pull the pump-action shotgun’s wooden fore-stock to the rear… I insert my one shell into the gun’s breech…
>>CHUT<<… I thrust the gun’s wooden fore-stock forward and I have locked and load my ammunition into the gun’s chamber…
the gun’s safety is switched to ‘fire’ with the flick of my finger… >>CLICK<<
Lisa looks so beautiful standing there… I take one last look and force myself to turn my eyes away from the virtual woman that I love and that I’ll never see again… >Moan<…>sniffle<…
I see the red-yellow flames growing longer emitting from the sparking electric wall outlets… I can feel the heat from the thin long flames now… That Computer Bitch is gonna burn my Dad’s house down with me in it…
I stand in front of the metallic silver computer tower and I shoulder my shotgun with my finger on the trigger.
That Apple trademark makes a perfect ‘bulls-eye’ for my gun’s front bead sight… Owiee… that electric socket flame burns my ass… I take aim and I position the barrel’s front bead sight upon the bitten apple logo…
“BITCH”… I yell my battle cry.
I squeeze the trigger >>KA-BOOM<<.
The blast and sound form the muzzle is momentarily deafening… the recoil of the gun butt pushes me back several paces..
The computer is a pile of twisted wires and shattered plastic and broken electronic boards, it’s a fuckin’ mess I can see. I hear the air conditioning compressor stop moaning… The electric wall socket panels are faintly blackened burnt plastic but serenely quiet… My computer screen is black… I look to the corner of my bedroom…
“Ralph, your Father and I are home.” I hear my Mom call as my parents enter the house door. I place Grampa’s shotgun back in the closet and I run to greet them.
“Wow, it sure is a bright and sunny day outside and clear blue sky. Mom… Dad… what was Father Matthew’s sermon about?” I inquire and force a smile on my face.
“Son, the sermon was about the importance of staying faithful to the Holy Mother Church and going to Sunday Mass and worthily receiving the Eucharist to give us the heavenly graces to resist the temptations of this vain world.” says my Father sternly to me.
“Dad you’re never gonna fuckin’… er… um… Dad you are never gonna believe what happened… This squirrel… um… er…this giant rat… or some animal with big teeth…and … uh… oh yea he was foaming at the mouth… he had rabies Dad, what could I do but try and shoot him with Grampa’s shotgun… Dad I think that I might have missed him and shot the new computer… it’s really fucked…”
“Ralph are you still feeling sick?” inquires my Mom with a motherly concern caressing my face with her large warm motherly feminine hands.
“I’m not sick now Mom… Dad I’ll get dressed for the Six pm Mass. If you drive me to the Church early Dad, I can go to confession.”
“Well Sweetie, your son’s a teenager.” my Dad muses to my Mom.
“No my dear husband, your son is payback for the time you shot your Father’s 44 inch flat screen high-definition television with your hunting shotgun while practicing your aim on the Disney channel Bambi cartoon characters when you were a teenager.” remembers my Mom.
“Yea…? Yea… I remember Granpa tellin’ me that story, Dad.” I meekly say looking down at the wooden floor.
“Come on son, I’ll drive you to the Sacrament of Confession and I’ll stay for Mass with you.” smiles my Dad at me.
“In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit Amen…” I begin my confession in the poorly lighted confessional room but I can see the silhouette of the Priest behind the confessional screen.
“Bless me Father for I have sinned it has been two weeks since my last confession…
I accuse myself of the sins of… um… er… lusting for the nudie girls on their web-cams on my computer… and… ah…
I lied to my Dad about shooting the new computer with Grampa’s shotgun… and… I use profanity… and… ummm… aahh…
Father Matthew, is it a sin to keep a life-size, three-dimensional, anatomically correct computer virtual image projection of a naked woman ‘saved’ to my computer disc if I love her?”
THE END
Copyright @ 2009
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HURTING after ABORTION?
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Call Project Rachel at 1-877-908-1212 www.ccdosp.com
KASTLE KEEP GUNS
We Specialize in Hunting, Sport, Self-defense and all your firearm wants and desires. Contact our expert Staff of Rich, Andy and Rick for your answers.
Phone 727-530-4301
EWTN
Deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ and join us at EWTN the Eternal Word Television Network, Global Catholic Network.
www.ewtn.com
GOA
Gun Owners of America at www.gunowners.org preserving our freedom and yours. Go to our web-site and find out about us.
NRA
National Rifle Association, promoting gun safety and education and defending the 2nd Amendment of our Constitution with daily vigilance. Contact us at www.nra.org and see what we do for your freedom.
Hay-Hay-U-kan-Ax-ijaye
“I saw your pix of you holding a telescopic sighted black police marksman rifle. You titled the pix, something about an ‘i-Phone.’ Did you get to lock-n-load a cartridge and shot the rifle?”
Daily Prayer
Hail Mary or Ave Maria or Angelical Salutation
Hail Mary full of grace! The Lord is with thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.
AMEN
IMPRIMATUR + Patrick Cardinal Hayes Archbishop New York
New York March 19, 1925
“Blessed Be God, A Complete Catholic Prayer Book”
By Very Reverend Charles J. Callan, O.P., S.T.M.
&
Very Reverend John A. McHugh, O.P., S.T.M.
New York: P. J. Kenedy & Sons
Copyright @ 1925
Copyright@ 2009
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