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LISZANOVA GAZETTE
LIZANOVA GAZETTE
11 July 2009
Volume 1 Issue 5
GABBIE GRANT FINDS OBAMA STIFF AND HARD HEADED
WASHINGTON DC (LG) --- Gabbie Grant newswoman extraordinaire and PRO-LIFE angel spoke with alleged President Barack Hussein Obama, Pro-Choice Death Daddy and the only US President elected without a birth certificate about thrusting his upcoming legislation ‘Freedom of Choice’ to kill act.
Hussein Obama the golden serpent tongued Pro-Choice politician and Democrat Party ‘Poster Boy’ for a woman’s right to choose to murder spoke truthfully which is strange for a politician, “Forget the father he has no say-so. But for the Murder-mommie, abortion is a profoundly difficult issue for the women and family who make the decision to murder their child or grand-child. Now there is a broader issue though, can we just move past all of this PRO-LIFE fact-n-Pro-Choice fantasy about abortion-murder around which we disagree and can we talk about what we do agree on. Like, reducing teen pregnancy by early sex education beginning at government mandated kindergarten schools. Our skilled American craftsmen can make it less likely that women will find themselves in these circumstances where they must be a murder-mommie by chastity belts for all unmarried females of reproductive age and only I have the key. I support the law of handing out condoms at the government schools at all grade levels and challenging the conscience of private schools to join us in doing what is right. Many of these condom colors already match the colors found in children’s Crayola Crayon boxes so they will be partially indoctrinated. These are areas where we can all agree or you will be imprisoned. Lastly I’d like to say we must mobilize and rally and hope and change and vote for me cuz I’m black and cool. Half-black does count for cool, just ask Michael Jackson.”
Gabbie Grant refuted all of Hussein Obama’s dumbo remarks and said, “Mr. Alleged President U are being stiff minded and hard-headed to deny that life begins in a mother’s womb and recognizing that abortion-murder is an atrocity against mankind, an atrocity that U Mr. Alleged President preside over. U can forget how history will judge U. U should be more fearful of how Jesus Christ will judge U.”
Ashlie Moorehouse reporting from Washington DC.
ASHLEY JUDD SQUEEZE MALE MEMBERS FOR VITALS
HOLLYWOOD (LG) --- Ashley Judd beautiful and sexy Hollywood spokeswoman whore for the infamous baby-killers and Satan worshippers of NARAL Pro-Choice Genocide America, she demanded the Chief of Police in Tinsel Town to obey Judge I. T. Boedel’s court order to “issue firearms permit without delay” thus removing all legal impediments for her purchase of several assault rifles, auto-shotguns, handguns, boxes of ammunition and one special order fuchsia colored whistle.
Ashley claims, “My life is in constant danger. My life has been threatened several times by PRO-LIFE extremists. The dreams are so vivid. Just listen to one of their hideous death threats these PRO-LIFE terrorists left on my answering machine, >>CLICK<< Hi! You have dialed Ashley Judd answering machine. If you are beautiful and sexy like me then leave your message after the beep. >>BEEP<< Ashlie dearie, this is Mother Superior of the Sisters of Divine Mercy. We are concerned about the salvation of your soul. If you need me at any time, see me at the Convent. Jesus loves you. >>BEEP<< THERE ARE NO MORE MESSAGES.”
Ashley complains, “Police can’t stop crimes. They stretch tacky yellow tape and trace the outline of dead bodies with white color chalk, so proletarian. You think that I am stupid enough to trust them to protect my life, ha think again! Police Chief Dunkin had better obey my uncle’s order. Now I’m so upset I need a donut.”
Ashley stated that she is going to the next National Rifle Association Gun show to squeeze the shooting talents out of all the male members. Mike Rock US Army Infantry and our own part-time Reporter has graciously offered to go to Ashley’s home to give her one-on-one instruction. Mike says, “Learning to shot things comes naturally for a man like me but a woman needs to allow for slow deep intense penetration to best achieve her goal.”
Natalie Donovan is Lizanova Gazette Reporter at large in Hollywood.
Ask Sarge
Gabbie I’ll write something next week. I promise to make it up to U gerl. It’s US Army business, really, honest, I’m not fibbing…ask Liz. I gotta go!
WARNING>>Open Microphone<<WARNING
>>AUTO-PRINT ENGAGED<<
>> Nell where’s my fricken’ reporter box thing? <<
>> OMG Mike, I left it at the university in Professor Frank’s office. <<
>> Natalie, you know how creepped out I get going on campus. Last time I happened to be in uniform and they threw dandelions at me and screamed something about how Allah will destroy me. <<
>> Mike, this beacon locator microphone will lead us to your box. <<
>> I think we need new batteries. Come home with me Nell. <<
>> No Mike, these batteries work fine. I said, “No!” <<
>> You’re helping me get my box back gerl! Dress up in some fish-net thigh stockings, garter belt with stiletto heels and show lots of cleavage. Natalie, you distract the ole boy while I search his office. <<
>> Well, actually Mike, you are the distraction. Disguise yourself as a Muslim terrorist and you’ll fit right in. <<
>> What the fuck gerl? <<
>> Rumm rumm. Let me tell you Nellie there is nothing like a boy and his Ford truck. <<
>> DRIVE. Keep both hands on the wheel. <<
>> Mike, your truck takes up three parking spaces. <<
>> Nellie, I’m disguised as a Muslim terrorist at Yale University. I can do no wrong. <<
>> Shh, quiet Mike. I am getting voice signals. There’s his office. <<
>> Duh, I never thought about it like that Professor Frank, but I guess Bruce Banner’s penis would have to grow in size to Hulk’s body proportion? <<
>> Knock, knock. Heelloo I am Mohammed please lead me to the men’s toilet. Wink, wink. <<
>> MIKE, I got it. RUN! <<
>> Oh, so that’s the off switch. Thanks Natalie. <<
Ralphie the Alterboy
My Daddie told me I must do my homework first, Auntie Ashlie.
Letters to the Editor
ZzDrast-vet-yah Gabbie,
Ya voss thinkin’? I kan increase my popularity if yah contribute to the most popular newsletter in Amerika, likke yah did for Pravda in my mutherlund of Russia.
Zo yah rwrite HotFerWerdz in next Kazette.
T u
Ya Vas loo-blue
Merina
Perspective
If alleged President Barak Hussien Obama wants to rule like a South American Dictator then it is only right if we sing songs to our majestic leader. If U got any musical talent what-so-ever the melody will be obvious. If not enjoy the words.
Obama Obama
We lov U Obama
We bend our knees to worship U
We elected U with no birth certificate for hope and change
But now we hope that U can’t Constitution change.
Obama Abortion
We’re fucked with Obama
We bend our knees to cry in shame.
Obama the Death Daddy
He cheers NARAL Pro-Choice to kill again and kill again.
Obama just go away
And let our children be born to run and play
Return the US Constitution today
Thank U, thank U very much
CLASSIFIEDS
EMPLOYMENT << How Strong are you Soldier?
ARMY STRONG Drill Sergeant ARMY STRONG
Grrrr!
Join today’s new and improved US Army.
Go ‘head see the world while U kill Pirates and blow up things for our Commander-in-Cool Hussein Obama.
WANTED << Any gasoline fueled Motor Vehicle. NO HYBRIDS NO EXCEPTION. Engine 350 hp Minimum. MPG is none issue. I will pay whatever you ask.
Call Tracy Jo
WANTED << PAY TOP DOLLAR for all Ford pickup trucks manufactured prior to 2010. Vehicle must be gasoline powered and not a hybrid. No exceptions. Title must be free and clear to pass US Customs Export inspection. Shipping all trucks to Iran.
Call Mohammed the truck boy.
FOR SALE<< 2009 OGM Cadillac ‘Panda.’ MUST SELL OR I AM DEAD. I will take any offer. Stored in spare bedroom or mechanic garage. Must see to believe.
Call Michael
Copyright 2009
11 July 2009
Volume 1 Issue 5
GABBIE GRANT FINDS OBAMA STIFF AND HARD HEADED
WASHINGTON DC (LG) --- Gabbie Grant newswoman extraordinaire and PRO-LIFE angel spoke with alleged President Barack Hussein Obama, Pro-Choice Death Daddy and the only US President elected without a birth certificate about thrusting his upcoming legislation ‘Freedom of Choice’ to kill act.
Hussein Obama the golden serpent tongued Pro-Choice politician and Democrat Party ‘Poster Boy’ for a woman’s right to choose to murder spoke truthfully which is strange for a politician, “Forget the father he has no say-so. But for the Murder-mommie, abortion is a profoundly difficult issue for the women and family who make the decision to murder their child or grand-child. Now there is a broader issue though, can we just move past all of this PRO-LIFE fact-n-Pro-Choice fantasy about abortion-murder around which we disagree and can we talk about what we do agree on. Like, reducing teen pregnancy by early sex education beginning at government mandated kindergarten schools. Our skilled American craftsmen can make it less likely that women will find themselves in these circumstances where they must be a murder-mommie by chastity belts for all unmarried females of reproductive age and only I have the key. I support the law of handing out condoms at the government schools at all grade levels and challenging the conscience of private schools to join us in doing what is right. Many of these condom colors already match the colors found in children’s Crayola Crayon boxes so they will be partially indoctrinated. These are areas where we can all agree or you will be imprisoned. Lastly I’d like to say we must mobilize and rally and hope and change and vote for me cuz I’m black and cool. Half-black does count for cool, just ask Michael Jackson.”
Gabbie Grant refuted all of Hussein Obama’s dumbo remarks and said, “Mr. Alleged President U are being stiff minded and hard-headed to deny that life begins in a mother’s womb and recognizing that abortion-murder is an atrocity against mankind, an atrocity that U Mr. Alleged President preside over. U can forget how history will judge U. U should be more fearful of how Jesus Christ will judge U.”
Ashlie Moorehouse reporting from Washington DC.
ASHLEY JUDD SQUEEZE MALE MEMBERS FOR VITALS
HOLLYWOOD (LG) --- Ashley Judd beautiful and sexy Hollywood spokeswoman whore for the infamous baby-killers and Satan worshippers of NARAL Pro-Choice Genocide America, she demanded the Chief of Police in Tinsel Town to obey Judge I. T. Boedel’s court order to “issue firearms permit without delay” thus removing all legal impediments for her purchase of several assault rifles, auto-shotguns, handguns, boxes of ammunition and one special order fuchsia colored whistle.
Ashley claims, “My life is in constant danger. My life has been threatened several times by PRO-LIFE extremists. The dreams are so vivid. Just listen to one of their hideous death threats these PRO-LIFE terrorists left on my answering machine, >>CLICK<< Hi! You have dialed Ashley Judd answering machine. If you are beautiful and sexy like me then leave your message after the beep. >>BEEP<< Ashlie dearie, this is Mother Superior of the Sisters of Divine Mercy. We are concerned about the salvation of your soul. If you need me at any time, see me at the Convent. Jesus loves you. >>BEEP<< THERE ARE NO MORE MESSAGES.”
Ashley complains, “Police can’t stop crimes. They stretch tacky yellow tape and trace the outline of dead bodies with white color chalk, so proletarian. You think that I am stupid enough to trust them to protect my life, ha think again! Police Chief Dunkin had better obey my uncle’s order. Now I’m so upset I need a donut.”
Ashley stated that she is going to the next National Rifle Association Gun show to squeeze the shooting talents out of all the male members. Mike Rock US Army Infantry and our own part-time Reporter has graciously offered to go to Ashley’s home to give her one-on-one instruction. Mike says, “Learning to shot things comes naturally for a man like me but a woman needs to allow for slow deep intense penetration to best achieve her goal.”
Natalie Donovan is Lizanova Gazette Reporter at large in Hollywood.
Ask Sarge
Gabbie I’ll write something next week. I promise to make it up to U gerl. It’s US Army business, really, honest, I’m not fibbing…ask Liz. I gotta go!
WARNING>>Open Microphone<<WARNING
>>AUTO-PRINT ENGAGED<<
>> Nell where’s my fricken’ reporter box thing? <<
>> OMG Mike, I left it at the university in Professor Frank’s office. <<
>> Natalie, you know how creepped out I get going on campus. Last time I happened to be in uniform and they threw dandelions at me and screamed something about how Allah will destroy me. <<
>> Mike, this beacon locator microphone will lead us to your box. <<
>> I think we need new batteries. Come home with me Nell. <<
>> No Mike, these batteries work fine. I said, “No!” <<
>> You’re helping me get my box back gerl! Dress up in some fish-net thigh stockings, garter belt with stiletto heels and show lots of cleavage. Natalie, you distract the ole boy while I search his office. <<
>> Well, actually Mike, you are the distraction. Disguise yourself as a Muslim terrorist and you’ll fit right in. <<
>> What the fuck gerl? <<
>> Rumm rumm. Let me tell you Nellie there is nothing like a boy and his Ford truck. <<
>> DRIVE. Keep both hands on the wheel. <<
>> Mike, your truck takes up three parking spaces. <<
>> Nellie, I’m disguised as a Muslim terrorist at Yale University. I can do no wrong. <<
>> Shh, quiet Mike. I am getting voice signals. There’s his office. <<
>> Duh, I never thought about it like that Professor Frank, but I guess Bruce Banner’s penis would have to grow in size to Hulk’s body proportion? <<
>> Knock, knock. Heelloo I am Mohammed please lead me to the men’s toilet. Wink, wink. <<
>> MIKE, I got it. RUN! <<
>> Oh, so that’s the off switch. Thanks Natalie. <<
Ralphie the Alterboy
My Daddie told me I must do my homework first, Auntie Ashlie.
Letters to the Editor
ZzDrast-vet-yah Gabbie,
Ya voss thinkin’? I kan increase my popularity if yah contribute to the most popular newsletter in Amerika, likke yah did for Pravda in my mutherlund of Russia.
Zo yah rwrite HotFerWerdz in next Kazette.
T u
Ya Vas loo-blue
Merina
Perspective
If alleged President Barak Hussien Obama wants to rule like a South American Dictator then it is only right if we sing songs to our majestic leader. If U got any musical talent what-so-ever the melody will be obvious. If not enjoy the words.
Obama Obama
We lov U Obama
We bend our knees to worship U
We elected U with no birth certificate for hope and change
But now we hope that U can’t Constitution change.
Obama Abortion
We’re fucked with Obama
We bend our knees to cry in shame.
Obama the Death Daddy
He cheers NARAL Pro-Choice to kill again and kill again.
Obama just go away
And let our children be born to run and play
Return the US Constitution today
Thank U, thank U very much
CLASSIFIEDS
EMPLOYMENT << How Strong are you Soldier?
ARMY STRONG Drill Sergeant ARMY STRONG
Grrrr!
Join today’s new and improved US Army.
Go ‘head see the world while U kill Pirates and blow up things for our Commander-in-Cool Hussein Obama.
WANTED << Any gasoline fueled Motor Vehicle. NO HYBRIDS NO EXCEPTION. Engine 350 hp Minimum. MPG is none issue. I will pay whatever you ask.
Call Tracy Jo
WANTED << PAY TOP DOLLAR for all Ford pickup trucks manufactured prior to 2010. Vehicle must be gasoline powered and not a hybrid. No exceptions. Title must be free and clear to pass US Customs Export inspection. Shipping all trucks to Iran.
Call Mohammed the truck boy.
FOR SALE<< 2009 OGM Cadillac ‘Panda.’ MUST SELL OR I AM DEAD. I will take any offer. Stored in spare bedroom or mechanic garage. Must see to believe.
Call Michael
Copyright 2009
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